All Be Dammed (UT #280,281 tie-in) - Tales of the Parodyverse

Writer's Note: I wrote this shortly after watching the movie version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and it adopts some of the whole extreme consequences of small actions thing. Of course given the last few recent posts to the board I feel this doesn't quite measure up in quality but I hope you enjoy it anyway. And I hope I didn't screw anything up.

All Be Dammed (Untold Tales #280,281 tie-in)

    Kat Allen was out of breath when she finally found Lara Night exploring the basement of the Lair Mansion. Not the dangerous parts Liu Xi explored earlier, but the more well-lit parts filled with old junk. She found it amusing to look at the items, trying to learn some of the Lair Mansion's history through its discarded furniture.

    "Lara!" Kat exclaimed before stopping to take a few deep panting breaths. "God, you're hard to get ahold of. Hatman needs your help."

    "Oh?" Lara tore herself away from her distraction and gave Kat her full attention. "Is he okay?"

    "He's fine," Kat told her, still out of breath, "He wanted me to find you, we're short a few people and Hoover Dam is under attack."

    "Again? I thought they fixed--"

    "It's under attack again!" Kat interrupted impatiently. She quickly relented. "I'm sorry, I've been...none of us have much sleep or time to eat."

    "It's okay." Lara replied calmly, smiling encouragingly. "I'll take care of it. Take a little break, okay?"

    She nodded quickly. "Thanks," she whispered, "But I have a lot more work to do first."

    Lara nodded as she started heading upstairs. "Good luck, then," she said, "I hope you get a break soon."

    Kat watched Lara as she ascended the stairs, noting that the blonde didn't seem the least bit panicked or even disturbed about her assignment or what was going on. She envied that a little.

---

    Lara didn't have to break into the powerhouse at Hoover Dam. The large metal security door was already broken off its hinges and hanging barely. It was quite obvious some kind of invasion was underway.

    She decided to dress the part before leaving the mansion and going into action - she wore the spotless soft black and white costume she showed Hatman and CSFB! earlier, a new, long cape drifting behind her. It would be easy to get the attention of anyone who was inside looking like a costumed hero.

    When she entered the upper level of the powerhouse she was a little in awe. She hadn't seen the interior of a hydroelectric power plant before, and it proved to be much larger than she ever imagined. Dozens of Avawarriors were scattered around the ground floor, looking so small down there next to the huge turbine generators.

    And then she noticed something else small down there, a man who seemed to be surrounded by more Avawarriors. He seemed to be shrouded in metal to slow their assault, and was wearing...a baseball cap?

    "Ohhhh crap!" she whispered as her eyes widened and her slow stride sped up to a full run. The Avawarriors caught sight of her movement just then, which proved to be a pretty good distraction to tear them from Hatman as some of them peeled away to intercept Lara.

    She leapt over the railing from the platform above and landed in a kneel, putting up an energy shield to immediately repel the Avawarriors that piled onto her and Hatman. They simply slid off.

    "Are you okay?" she asked Hatman. He groaned, trying to reply, but he was dangerously close to a concussion. She put her hand on his forehead, trying to use her healing energy to stabilize him. "Don't worry, I'll get you out of here."

    "Wait...the dam," Hatman urged her.

    "Oh...right." The shield keeping them safe began to glow, and powerful bright blue tendrils of electricity suddenly snaked out from it like a giant escaped plasma sculpture, touching the walls and ceiling, stunning any Avawarrior that happened to be in the way. Unfortunately it wasn't enough - there were just too many, and without someone to clear them out permanently the stunned ones would eventually wake up and resume their assault.

    "If you wish me to help," a soft voice called out from just out of reach of the tendrils of energy, "You'll have to turn that off."

    Lara looked up at the same time Hatman did. The Psychic Samurai stood at the ready, sword drawn, waiting for the right moment. As asked, Lara reduced the energy output until the blinding tendrils of lightning disappeared.

    Then something strange happened. The Avawarriors all stopped, and stared at the Psychic Samurai, their molecule swords dangling idly at their sides. She walked toward them until she was directly in front of them, daring them to make a move.

    "What the heck...?" Lara asked as she watched what was happening. She meant her comment even more so when the Avawarriors all lowered to one knee, placing their swords on the floor in front of them.

    "I think I...understand," Hatman started to explain, starting to feel a little better after Lara's healing treatment. "Chiaki...she killed an entire platoon. Crippled the leader and sent back the head of one of his sub-commanders home with him."

    "And?" Lara asked.

    "These are people who understand and respect extreme violence above all else. It's deeply ingrained within their psyche," Hatman continued the explanation. "They believe that Chiaki killing and beheading their comrades was...punishment. They don't wish to be punished. And in absence of any orders from the Parody Master they're operating on instinct."

    "We should be getting you to all these sites, then," Lara suggested to Chiaki.

    "Not possible," Chiaki quickly replied. "There are just too many."

    Chiaki stood in the middle of the unmoving Avawarriors and looked down at them. "You will fight no more," she told them. "This is your only chance for mercy. Do not force me to harm you."

    "How did you get here so quickly anyway?" Lara asked the Psychic Samurai.

    She smirked slightly. "I took Hatman's Lairjet. Get Hatman some medical care. I will use the jet to bring these Avawarriors to custody."

    "Is that safe?" Hatman asked.

    Chiaki shrugged. "I suppose I have no choice. You are in no shape for a ride in an airplane and the Lair Legion is too shorthanded to spare someone to help."

    "I'm a little better now." Hatman stood slowly. "Lara and I will go with you."

    "Now who is being unsafe?" Chiaki joked as she looked at Hatman.

    "He'll be okay," Lara vouched for him. "He's got me to keep him sort of healthy."

    "Okay." Chiaki motioned for Hatman and Lara to head outside first and board the plane. She then looked at the Avawarriors and ordered them, "Stand and board the plane. Leave your weapons in the cargo hold."

    Hatman was surprised again when they did exactly as ordered, actually leaving their blades behind. They looked either afraid or defeated as they boarded and sat on the floor of the aircraft, foregoing even the seats. They made good prisoners, he thought to himself briefly.


---


    "Maybe we can use them to clear out the other Avawarriors," Lara suggested as Chiaki began to prep the jet for takeoff. "You know, since they listen to you now."

    "They won't accept orders from me," Chiaki told her. "They do what I ask now because they believe they'll be killed and sent home in pieces." She took advantage of that perception by turning to glare at the motionless Avawarriors crammed into the rear of the plane behind her.

    Hatman fidgeted nervously, unsure of whether this all was a good idea. If those Avawarriors had some kind of secret plan they did happen to outnumber not only the three of them but the Lair Legion and probably the staff at the makeshift prison the police and military had set up for them.

    He glanced at Lara, who was sitting in the window seat. He realized that, sitting in a seat next to her, he was leaned up against her as if it somehow reassured him in case those Avawarriors came rushing up the aisle, that he wouldn't be the first target. He could smell the citrus-scented shampoo on her hair.

    "You okay?" Lara asked him cheerfully. She didn't seem to mind him leaning against her, and was more concerned that he looked distressed. "Want to switch seats or something?"

    "No, I'm okay," he said. "I just--"

    "Relax, Jay," Lara told him with a smile. She put one arm across his shoulders. "Worst thing that can happen?" she suddenly said, seeming to read his mind, "I put up a shield and evacuate us all in an instant."

    Jay simply nodded. Oddly enough that did make him feel better. He wasn't sure if it was because of her words, her cheery and warm disposition, or both.

    "We're almost at the drop point," Chiaki announced. She lowered her voice to a whisper as she added, "And I do mean drop, because I doubt the Avawarriors would willingly transfer themselves to military custody."

    "You're going to drop them to the ground?" Jay asked, sounding very disturbed by the idea.

    "I'll hover fairly close to the ground first," she noted. "Their armor will protect them."

    "I think we should at least try to herd them off the plane," Jay suggested.

    Lara nodded. "I agree."

    Jay and Lara looked at each other for a moment, and both smiled.

    "Very well." Chiaki sighed. "I can ask them to stand and leave the plane but I won't be able to force them into the prison. That's up to you. I hope you have a plan."

    "I...vote that we abandon ship," Lara quickly suggested. She sounded calm when she said it, but there was a slight urgency to her voice that caused Chiaki and Jay both to look behind them.

    The Avawarriors had all stood and were trying to pry their way out of the plane to escape...and they were succeeding. Right after Lara said that, they managed to tear the rear door out of its seal. Alarms went off in the cockpit and the Lairjet began to shake violently and rapidly de-pressurize.

    "Damn," Chiaki cursed quietly as she fought with the controls, "I thought we'd have more time before they become wise to our plan."

    "We've lost too many planes already," Jay yelled over the noise of the rushing air, "We have to try and save this one."

    "Shut down the engines," Lara urged Chiaki as she tightened her seatbelt. Jay saw that and did the same, and so did Chiaki. Lara suspiciously put Jay's baseball cap back on his head...as if it could somehow save his life.

    Once the engines were shut off, Jay had a sickening feeling in his stomach, the sensation of falling. He had to shut his eyes for a second...and when he reopened them, the light coming through the windows had changed, and they weren't moving. They were on the ground.

    A platoon of troops rushed aboard through the hole in the plane and blasted the Avawarriors with some kind of immobilizing foam so they could be safely hauled away and put into holding cells. One of the soldiers stopped and saluted Jay. "Hatman," he said. "We saw your plane appear in the middle of the base, and the door was torn off. We thought we could assist."

    "You did great, thanks," Hatman answered tiredly. Just then he looked out the window and noticed that the plane was indeed sitting at one of the temporary army bases in Paradopolis. He then looked at Chiaki, and had to ask, "Where did they get that foam? I don't remember it being in the military arsenal."

    "The Zoot Suit Gang decided to offer a few of their more...unusual inventions for this war. In exchange for immunity," Chiaki explained.

    "I'm not sure I approve of that," Hatman noted.

    "It's necessary," Chiaki replied sharply. "As it is necessary to get you back to the Lair Mansion where you can rest and regain your strength." She frowned as she looked at the gaping hole to the rear of the plane. It wasn't going to be fixed very soon.

    Lara spoke up with a solution of her own. "If you want I could take him back and you can bring the plane when it's fixed."

    The Psychic Samurai nodded, and before Hatman could protest Lara took his hand and the two of them vanished from the military base.

---

    "You going to be okay without me?" Lara joked as Jay lay in a bed in the infirmary, with her standing over him. It was a room that accurately reflected the state of siege the Lair Legion was in - equipment littered all over, the floor only hurriedly and sporadically cleaned, and a couple of unmade beds where other Legionnaires had been checked earlier.

    "I'm fine," he quietly insisted. He hid the feeling that he just wanted to get past his physical exam by the staff doctor and get out of there. Lying around in the infirmary always made him uneasy.

    She moved a chair right up against the bed and sat down, staying within reach of him. Lara still wore the black and white costume, not having taken the time to change after arriving with Jay. "I'm really sorry," she whispered. "When I was told you needed backup I just assumed I could handle it. I didn't think to ask anyone else along. We were just lucky Chiaki showed up--"

    "Lara, you did good," Jay reassured her. "Look...I have the job of leader of the Lair Legion now." He smiled slightly. "If you screw up I'd have to chew you out. So trust me, you did great."

    She laughed, seeming to cheer up and feel a little less uneasy. But then her smile disappeared. "You know...I'm going to have to go home soon."

    "How soon?" Jay asked, leaning on his arm to prop himself up.

    "I dunno." Lara shrugged, her eyes avoiding his. "It's just that...things are getting a little deep here and if I don't get out when I can I might become a liability. I mean, I want to help but...if I can't? I don't want any of you to die because I had to be rescued."

    "It's your choice, I guess," Jay replied, laying down again and looking at the ceiling. "But I really hope you'll reconsider. And I'm not saying that as the leader of the Lair Legion, or even as Hatman. I like having you around. You have a lot of untapped potential--"

    "Something else you should never say in front of Dream," Lara interrupted to note.

    "Yeah." Jay laughed at that momentarily before continuing. "Seriously though. I know that if you leave, there will be moments we all wish you were here to do something only you can do. And I'm sure there'll be a moment like today where you could have saved my life in a way nobody else could."

    "How did I do that?" Lara asked, sounding confused.

    "Zero casualties," Jay explained with a proud smile. "Since this invasion started," he said as his smile faded, "Zero casualty battles have been extremely rare."

    Lara bit her lip and looked down at her lap. "Yeah, I would feel kind of guilty leaving. I guess that's why I'm still thinking about it. Trying to weigh what's best to do. I was kind of hoping you'd nudge me one way or the other." She gently took his hand and squeezed it as she added, "I think you just did."

    "We'll all owe you big time," Jay said as he squeezed her hand in return.

    She tilted her head slightly and smiled. "So if I wasn't a cute blonde you wouldn't have worked so hard to get me to stay, would you?"

    "I would have...because you are good," he said. "But I wouldn't have held your hand or told you that you look good in your costume."

    "You're such a shameless flatterer!" Lara joked. She leaned over his bed and gave him a gentle peck on the lips. "That's for helping me do the right thing," she whispered. She gave him a sly smile as she stood and pushed the chair aside. "Get well soon, and call if you need me."

    "I will." Jay said as he watched her leave the room.

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Liu Xi Xian, Yuki Shiro, Lara Night, Chiaki Bushido (Psychic Samurai) (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners

Post By Anime Jason Fri Aug 11, 2006 at 01:13:52 pm EDT	Subject All Be Dammed (UT #280,281 tie-in)

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